Hero unheard.. Thought for a lifetime...!

You don't always have to be a popular celebrity to do a heroic act or leave an impression with your strong words...
Today when I was about to buy apples, I found out that I didn't have enough money... and perhaps the vendor realized it and what he said took me by surprise...he said

"Koi bat ni baji... jab kabhi ap idhr dubara ayin ya kahin rastay milay to de dijye ga pese... ya kbi na b milay to b koi bat nahin!"
("It's ok ma'am, you may pay me some other day if our paths cross... and if they don't, even then it would not matter..!")

And then I realized that I did have some money in the dashboard...I
So I asked for half a kilo apples...the guy chose the best of the apples (which the vendors usually keep for the LAST customer of the day -_-) and when I thanked him for his honesty, he smiled and said these remarkable words,

"Baji ap ko pata hai hamaray mulk ka ye sab se bara masla hai... apne hi bhai behnon k sath ghadari aur badunwani krtay hain... agar hum hi apne Pakistani behn bhaiyon k sath achayi nai kren ge to koi b nahi kre ga... ye sb emaandari aur aetbar ki baat hai baji...!
("Sister you know this is the biggest issue we are facing in Pakistan...treason and corruption against our own Pakistani brothers and sisters... if we don't do good with our own Pakistani brothers and sisters.. no one else will....it's all about honesty and trust, sister!"

He went away... and left me with the thought that if only we ALL could think this way...things in Pakistan could've been different...much different!!

The Dilemmas of an Ambivert

Hey! Are you an E or an I? What? Didn't get it? Or did you?? Well, if you did, welcome to the widely spread personality zone, and for those of you who didn't, these are the two main types of personality.. the Extrovert and the Introvert- the E and the I. 

Why this means so much to me that I created a new blog post for it?? I have always had this issue of being too social or too anti (or selectively) social among people of both the kinds. I am sure many of you do, too. We're too quite, people start calling us introverted, and if we're the chatterboxes, then we'll be labeled as the extroverts. Talking about personality types always fascinates me and this topic has been chiming in my mind for quite some time...

I recently had a golden opportunity to visit the United States of America, for taking part in the SUSI Kansas Women's Leadership Institute (KWLI2014) at the University of Kansas, USA. Throughout the great journey of learning, fun, adventure, classes, activities, travelling and shopping... there was something that molded our attitudes, thoughts, actions and reactions...it was that war of the personality traits within each one of us! Why am I writing this in association with the KWLI?? Because that is the first time I actually understood what our behaviors were all about... that is where I learnt why we become "not ourselves" which actually is a part of us.. within us?? And.. most importantly.. what personality type I actually am...(though a lot is to be discovered yet)
It was this genius named Carl Jung who first spoke of the introversion and extraversion as human personality traits. He was of the view that every one is highly associated with one of these two traits and low on the other. So he must be either an introvert or an extrovert. One could easily identify an E or an I in a public gathering, (though you would find lesser I's in large social gatherings), through their way of interaction. E's are believed to be loud, enthusiastic, assertive, sometimes "dominating", often known as "full of energy". While the I's are perceived to be "shy" though there is a difference between being shyd and being "selectively social". It is stereotypical to say that an extrovert is always bossy or an introvert cannot be a salesperson. And it had been long believed, or misbelieved that only these two types exist. 

But what about those chatterboxes who turn down all of a sudden?? Or what about those seldom chirping souls turning into juke boxes?? Well... here come the Myer-Briggs type indicator assessments, to solve this riddle...so now they have four dichotomies namely 

1. Extravert-Introvert

2. Sensing- Intuition

3. Thinking-Feeling

4. Judging-Perceiving

These four account for the 16 different types of personalities....they are also classified as ENFP, INTP, ESFJ and so on...There are various factors that influence our personalities, like I experienced, and so does our multidimensional personality lets out another, buried dimension of our personality that no one, not even we ourselves, knew, and that takes everyone by surprise (even shock!). 

Okay, so we were told to take the MBTI at the KWLI...We took an online personality test and then waited for the results... and to my surprise (or shock :p) it read as:
"Sorry but you do not fit into any one category of the personalities, which might be a good thing in itself." Yeah thanks for consoling....
And then we took another test, but what I found out there was even sillier.. (I call it so)... I turned out to be an ENFP and INFP...simultaneously...!
Now this was something ringing a bell...who am I? Who are all of us that do not fit into a "single" category of the MBTI 16 personalities??
That was my awakening point... I needed to know why this happened only with ME among the 25 women? So here's the answer...

                                                                            We are Ambiverts...

Have you been in a state of eternal happiness, where you have been screaming out loud with joy, making the best of your time chit-chatting, being adventurous, being naughty, being open, being enthusiastic, in short, full of life? And then crawl back into that shell of yours, where you do not want to socialize with all those good people around you, where you feel like talking to yourself and just "processing" (I borrowed this word from my KWLI sister), or where you want to be left alone, in the silent, deep dark vales of muse...? Has anyone lately told you... "Hey! You don't speak as much as you used to, what's up?" And you actually have no explanation because it is true and unreasonable... 

Have you experienced the urge to go on the stage and rock everyone in the audience with your melodious voice, and then there's another you hiding in your room, or behind a friend, so that you are not pointed out or noticed in a crowd? Have you been through the phase when you want to be out with your dearest ones, working on new projects every day and want the world to know all about you... and all of a sudden you need a lot of personal space? Do you speak too much that no one else has the space to talk after you, and then your voice goes mute because now you want to listen more...? Or let's get to a more "close -to-life" example, have you always been craving to upload some stuff on a social media webdsite for the world to know.. and all of a sudden you begin to feel that perhaps going that public might not be a wise idea... just becasue you can't handle the digital audience? Well, I did too...
Ambiverts are not-very-well-researched-about mythical beings. They are, technically, those with an automatic personality generator. It may push the E personality out at one time and the I type in another. It has been studied by Adam Grant of The Wharton School in 2013 that those with the extreme forms find it more difficult to mold according to the situation than the ambiverts. (Contributor: David DiSalvo, Source: Forbes 2013). The study also reveals that there are few people who live only on the two extremes of the personalities; where most of them have an inclination towards the lesser dominant personality trait too.

The ambiverts have to face various dilemmas while being among their peers, relatives, colleagues or other social gatherings. They might seem "weird" to some and "unique" to others (well these are synonymous, with two diverse contexts)
Ambiverts might seem too talkative to an introvert and a little quite for an extrovert. Or they might become any one of them when the circumstances demand from them...sometimes, they might  be labeled as being on one extreme. They might be urged by the peers to speak up, or told to shut up! (Yeah it's hard to be an ambivert right! ):D

Ambiversion is also said to be the middle stage of The Big Five personality traits i.e. openness to experience, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, neuroticism... is that you too..? "All in one?  How is that possible??" This is another dilemma of an ambivert, how to be on just one side of the personality. We see that there are people who can actually stick to their E or I version everywhere, but it should not be forgotten that the human mind is complex and cannot be completely fixed to one side. Still,  those of us who are ambiverts, rather multiverts, need to learn to find our required type of personality in the related environment. It often happens that the expression of the personality trait might differ pertaining to the situation we are in and the way we are socio-culturally required to behave and act. That is where an ambivert might get trapped, that is where I, you and many like us get seized.. :p
So here I'd like to thank the KWLI 2014 for conducting the MBTI because of which I came to peep a little bit inside me...And thus got to know about the "third dimension" of personalities, to which I belong . 

Apart from the dilemmas, the ambiverts have a lot to enjoy, like the variety of life, the COLORS of the personality rather than being either black or white...this, while exhibiting the extreme personality traits, is not possible.But the thing is, as the E's and the I's are proud to be them, we A's should start being proud of ourselves, we formed an entirely different personality trait, which is equally a good and a bad thing :p Also, like others, the ambiverts should enjoy the freedom of being and expressing themselves, and not always get bound by the chains of the societal expectations .
So now that I have found out WHAT personality type I am, I feel that I have a greater choice of locking myself in my room or playing in the rain with my best friends...it's because I am an Ambivert!

Oh, English!!

A few days ago, I came across an interesting post on a discussion forum on Facebook. (Yes, Facebook can be used for such purposes too!) The post was about the sense of inferiority among the South Asians, with special reference to Pakistan, among the people who can not communicate well in ENGLISH. Yes the same old story, the one who speaks English well is a Baabu and the one unable to do so is, simply, a Paindu.

What factors promoted Anglicization? Where did this Xenocentrism come from? Have the people of the sub-continent always been so keen to learn English and speak it in front of others just to impress them?

We'll find answers to these questions, first let's have a look at the origin and spread of English. 

In the 5th century, A.D., three German tribes invaded Britain. The tribes included Angles from Englaland, Saxons from South Germany and Jutes from the Jutland Peninsula and North Frisian coast. At that time, the British used to speak Celtic language. But after invasion, they were pushed to the North West of Britain, which is now called Ireland, Scotland and Wales. The Angles brought their own language from Englaland, the Englisc, from which the word English was derived. 

The invasion of Germans into Britain

Script from Beowulf: A sample of Old English

English is thus known as a "borrowing language". Like many other languages, English has been brought into existence by collaboration of Anglo-Frisian languages. The Old English, written and spoken till 1100 A.D. was much different from the English written and spoken today. It had very different font, diphthongs and vocabulary.  

A piece of Chaucer's writing: A sample of Middle English

With the invasion of the Normans from Normandy (a part of Modern France), a kind of French language began to be used for the Royal Courts and ruling classes; while the lower classes spoke English. In the 14th Century, English became the most common language in the Britain again. This time, the language had a mixture of many words from the French vocabulary. This is how the Middle English emerged, which was used in 1100-1500 A.D. It had slight similarities with today's English. Many words of Modern English have been derived from the Middle English.

Hamlet: A sample of Early Modern English

In the 16th century, due to global trading and interaction of the British with people around the world, there was a rapid shift of vowels and the pronunciations became shorter and more crisp. Also, the dialect of London, which was the home to major publishing houses, became the standard.Finally, there emerged the need of an entirely new vocabulary after the Industrial Revolution. Also, the British Empire had invaded and conquered one third of the earth's land. Their interaction with the people of diverse countries forced them to add new words in the vocabulary. This occurred in 1800, and developed the Late Modern English. 

Below is a sample of stages of how the writing evolved from Old to Late Modern English:

Meanwhile the British entered the subcontinent for trading purposes, and turned into the British Raj. The citizens of the subcontinent automatically became the subordinates. Under their rule, the British formulated many laws and education policies where the local citizens were compelled to learn the language of the goras. Though it was opposed at first, but considering it the "need of the hour", English got slow, yet steady acceptance in the local languages. So this is how we met the "Modern English", in its finest form, ready to Anglicize the local dialects.

Now let's get back to our REAL problem... Where did this Xenocentrism come from? You see, it is not the language that makes people "feel" inferior, but the trends of the society that make something so superior that following it becomes inevitable.
In the French Rule, or to be more specific, the Norman Rule, French was the language of the royals and English was spoken by the lower classes. That's because it was the TREND back then. Today, when we speak English fluently, others and even we, get the impression of being a little more sophisticated and impressive than the non-speakers. People admire and look up more to those with a pure British or American accent rather than those with a typical Desi one (typical explanation of a Desi accent: the one in which the pronunciation of every last word has a jerk, and with that Spanish spice of over-stressing consonants like R, D, T etc.). 

Although, those who can use English proficiently will easily say that not knowing English is not a crime, let's be "honest and pure" towards our mother tongue; but then, ask those who are victims of social discrimination on this basis.Today, English has become a status symbol for many. If I talk about myself, my fellows and my friends in Pakistan, we consider English not as a language; but as a very expensive object, a show piece, used to determine the owner's ranking in the society. Those not being able to communicate effectively in English are often stigmatized and mocked at. (Pity, yes)

And then we have the other side of the coin, the critiques of the English language, loathing it for unknown number of reasons including ethnic bias, geographical boundaries, cultural differences and so on. (I don't even get the point of it).

Check point: English is a language, learn it as a skill, please.

The truth is that English is THE language now, which helps in communicating in a large part of the world. Not knowing it is referred to as backwardness, being misfit in a society and lacking one the most vital skills.

Though the stereotypical Eurocentric culture cannot be brought to an end, unless a new wave emerges, spreading a newer language, being set as the scale of modernity; what we can do is to adapt to the change and learn something which may be useful in the long run. 

I might be wrong in your opinion, but I stick to the belief that languages are skills JUST to communicate. If we do not know another person's language, we may have to communicate like the primitive man or the primates, using signs, for instance. If by knowing the dialect, and not considering it as a "standard of sophistication" we can simply talk to others, why not learn it?? And mind you, your personality will make you a Baabu or a Paindu, not the language you use (except for the foul one, of course).

But yes, be slightly cautious of your surroundings, and keep in mind the style and language of communication according to the locality you're in.

Best of luck... :)

Enough of English today..mu hi cheeba ho gya.. :D

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Corruption flows from the top: Anti-corruption Day

The topic in the house is “Corruption flows from the top”…

Corruption, a term first used by Aristotle, and later by Cicero, is the deviation from the ideal or the impurity of thought and intention. It is one of the most dreadful, overlooked and yet the most prevalent social evils inherent to a society; and also a root cause of many others. The great Persian ruler, Noshervan once said to his people that,

“The foundation of cruelty was very small in this world, but it grew as such acts increased. I fear that if I pluck an apple free of cost from a peasant’s tree, my army might pull down his entire garden!”

Corruption, thus, begins from a wee bit of an action. A free lunch, a free drink, a free ride, a friendly favor, a polite act to help your dear ones… and BAM! You enter the corruption boom... But it usually begins without intention and invokes a chain reaction; as Ernest Hemingway says,

“All truly wicked things start from innocence.”

This society is, analogically, like a human body. Its head is the powerful elite. M.G. Chitkara, in his book Corruption and Cure, says that Corruption flows from top to bottom. True, it flows from the head to toe! It is because a corrupt man at the highest, or relatively higher post, will certainly open the doors of corruptions to all those under him. He may compel his subordinates to do as he wishes; and in Milgram’s obedience theory, might is right! So those under him will be bound to obey him. And as we are living in a world of blind followers, the “sheeple”, who follow every act they deem to be personally beneficial for them, corruption trickles down from top to bottom with the increase in imitation at lower levels.

Generally, it is seen that the man in power is always on the top; and it is commonly stated that power corrupts man. But then, I came across these words of George Deacon that changed my views, “If ultimate power corrupts you absolutely, where does that leave God??” So it is not the presence of power, but actually the fear of losing it, which makes a man oppressive and corrupt. So being on the “top” is not in itself responsible for corruption. It is actually the mind, the very thought, that corrupts the entire system. Our cognition controls the actions that we perform. It will not be wrong to say that corruption takes birth when the first evil thought rises in our mind.

We don’t need to go very far in search of instances for corruption, rather we can find them around us, within us; right here, right now. We shun classes, corruption, we borrow things and don’t return them, corruption, we waste our time in useless activities, corruption, favoritism, corruption, plagiarism, corruption, cheating, corruption, and so on!

Unfortunately, today we experience too much corruption in every field. Corrupt minds, corrupts acts, corrupt police, corrupt preachers, corrupt educationists, corrupt officers, corrupt media, corrupt leaders, corrupt politicians, thus everyone and everything seems to be filled with corruption to such an extent that nothing seems pure now. Though sarcastically, but Henry Kissinger rightly said that,

“The corrupt politicians make the remaining 10% look bad.”

There is no use mentioning all the data of the World Bank Monetary Corruption Statistics because of two reasons; 1. It will be merely a source of gloom and hopelessness, and 2. I didn’t search for any... that’s corruption on my part!  Even the noblest acts that we see are cemented with a hidden layer of corruption. You HAVE TO do corruption to avoid corruption. It’s like,

Lay k rishwat phans gya tha, day k rishwat chhoot gya


(I got trapped after taking bribe, and got released after giving bribe)

So we’d roll over the causes of corruption; from the demonic thoughts to greed, to inadequate facilities, to unimplemented laws, to unchecked favors and swindles, to unquestioned oppression, to justified bribery, to unnoticed fraud, to nepotism, to misuse of funds, to illegitimate taxes and inflation, to inauthentic accusations to irresponsibly omitted duties to unverified statements and the list goes on.

Corruption has the most adverse effects on the society; turning it into a hell full of human-faced Satans. Dr. Israr Ahmad says that even the Satan seeks refuge from the crown of creations today…

Kuch jhijhakta hai, na darta hai, na sharmaata hai

Nit nayee fitna garee roz hi dikhlaata hai

Ab ye zalim mere behkaway me kab ata hai

Me bura sochta rehta hu, ye kar jata hai

Kya abhi is ki mureedi ka irada kar loon?

Sochta hu k ab insan ko sajda kar lu…!
(He doesn't hesitate, neither fears, nor shies
He shows new chaos every day
Now this tyrant doesn't pay heed to my enticement
I keep on thinking evil, and he does evil

Should I become his apprentice?
I think I should bow before the human being now! )

It afflicts every social institution in one way or another. It was very long ago when corruption started trickling down from the top; today it seems to be having seeped through the roots and is flowing upward too! Iqbal says,

Jamhooriyat ik tarz-e-hakoomat hai kay jis main

Bandon ko gina kartay hain tola nahin kartay

(Democracy is a way of government in which
Men are counted, not weighed)

But the social fraudulence has faded this pro-democratic vision too; today humanity and the humans themselves have been trodden under the “personal benefit” stampede.

If corruption is to be uprooted, then we should begin from the purification of our minds. Mahatma Gandhi said,

“I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”

So first of all, we need the strength of our OWN thought and character to prevent any corrupt act at our end. We should avoid corruption and try not to follow others doing this. It requires the training of the INNER side to cure the outer epidemic of corruption. We started from bad, it turned worse and then became the worst; I don’t think we want to invent an ultra-superlative degree for it… It’s high time that we should repent, lest we shall be damned!

Ayy taaer-e-lahooti us rizq se moat achi

Jis rizq se aati ho, parwaaz me kotaahi(Oh! Heavenly birds!! Prefer death on such a subsistence

Which creates obstacles in your flight (towards Allah))

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Who's to be blamed?

Being fortunate, I wasn't an eye witness to today's horrible incident, but those who had seen it were jolted from head to toe. A teenage intellectual of Institute of Communication Studies, University of the Punjab, got crushed under the tyres of the very bus that she was a few moments ago travelling on...alarmed right?!

Yes this actually happened... In the Model Town area of Lahore, where normally, several students gather to get on the University Bus to reach the Campus. 
On the morning of 20th of November, 2013, the overcrowded bus ran down the road towards the University, when some shrieks were heard and the driver pulled over. Amidst the loudly blowing horns and traffic noise, "You killed her!! You ran her over!!" were the words that struck the driver's ears. Realizing what he had just done, the driver fled away. The girl who was clinging solely to a metal rod near the open door of the bus, somehow lost grip and fell OUT on the road. Tragedy didn't end here, and Alisha Khalid was run over by the tyres of the same bus right away..a life was lost..and this happened in front of her mother's eyes...................................................

........................................................................
When I heard this, during my Statistics class, I was at a loss and tears rolled down as I jotted on my notebook. The students of M.Phil. Sociology had brought this news and requested us to join in for a peaceful protest against the negligence of the driver, the University Administration, the V.C and the Punjab Government. We held a small protest, raising slogans for "Justice" and "More buses". Our co-ordinator tried to hold us back from getting indulged in such an activity, but on listening to our motive, she joined us too.
When we reached the V.C. house, we were given numerous justifications for the poor arrangements, like these: We already have 56 buses for above 32,000 students; we are providing you with the transport as a "Facility" which is not our administrative obligation, we are aware of your issues but believe us, we've suffered through the same when we were your age, in the same university in 1999; we lack funds to buy more buses; you should have sent us an e-mail pertaining to the complaint and we would have certainly done something about it! They even said that it was the conductor's fault that he had not closed the door of the bus..
Media covered the protest rally and also interviewed the eye-witnesses and some of the protesters. In the end, the V.C. of the University promised to arrange some more buses for the routes where a large number of students take university buses. He also said that arrangements are being made to "educate" the drivers so that they may not show such negligence again. A ray of light he showed...
Here comes a but...
I have many questions hovering in my mind.. and they can not be answered...I know.

• Are 56 buses enough for above 32,000 students??
• Why are there NO LAWS for over-crowding a bus; and even if they are.. where is the implementation??
• How can the bus doors be closed when three or four of the students are swinging out of it, with the grip of a handle or a bar??
• When we are paying charges, how can the administration call the bus services as a "facility" and not consider it their obligation??
• If "you" have faced the same issue in 1999, does that mean you have been so negligent of it that you didn't bother to solve it even after 14 years; when "you" have reached the policy making posts??
• Why is there no check as to whether the travellers are Punjab University students or just any passengers looking for a random bus going their way??
• How can you lack funds when the government launches funds every year and the students (even those who do not use the bus service) pay the bus charges??
• We should have sent an e-mail, well, what about all the hand-written applications that we sent "you"? Did they never reach you?? Whose fault is it then??
• Does education change the mind set of the rash and hyper-aggressive bus drivers, who are always in a hurry and never want to stop for more than 15 seconds for the students to get off the bus??
• University bus incidents occur quite frequently, yet no notice is taken. Students fell off from the bus, or missed the bus due to insufficient space for a person to even stand in the bus, but no one seems to be bothered about it! SO LAST AND MOST PINCHING QUESTION: Why do the authorities always have to take an action after a BIG INCIDENT has occurred?? Why do they keep waiting for a death, followed by a protest or mob riots?? Why???

I'd request the authorities once again not to take this issue lightly, and take some emergency alternative measures; it is the matter of every student's life now, which I hope still bears some value in this country...

We're sorry Alisha Khalid...we don't know who should we blame..May your soul rest in peace..ameen.

Alisha Khalid, died on 20th November, 2013, by falling off the university bus and being run over by it (Photo courtesy: Samaa TV)

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Stereotyping II and Self Assessment

I do not remember attaching stereotypes with people. But I must admit one thing, that deep inside me, I did have some negative feeling about the many people due to their occupation, status or lifestyles. I know people are bound to opt for certain professions in life which might be against social norms as they have no other choice, still, I did carry a slightly negative impression of the stereotyped people.

When I was assigned this project, I was wondering if I actually had stereotypical attitude for certain people. At that time, my mind did not answer actively, because I do not generally attach people with stereotypes; but later, I got a long list of people for whom we have negative points of view. Of them, I chose nurses.

I personally like them, because they serve us. But I did not have any kind of strong judgement about them. Shameful but true, I did have doubts about their character too; not because it was my view, but because I had heard a lot about them from the people around me. I heard about them being cheap, not worth keeping in company, not deserving respect, and that they are low standard “beings” etc. Whenever I heard such statements and points of view about them, I felt slightly bad and often stayed silent. This means I was a part of the lot that thought stereotypically.   

I am thankful to my professor who made me do this assignment. When I met the nurse Miss ***** for the first time, I had certain fears in my mind as to how she would treat me, how she will answer my questions honestly and so on… But after meeting her for almost one week, I came to know of the pain which she and many other stereotyped people were going through while living in our society. Now my views have changed. Now I know why they deserve respect. It is because first of all, they serve us whole-heartedly. They tolerate all the harsh words of their authorities and body-penetrating gawk of the impious men. The nurses truly exemplify humanity. They treat the rich and the poor, the old and the young, the male and the female with equal care and responsibility. How many of us actually let everyone in our life gain the same place in our hearts and minds??? Perhaps none of us, but they do! They have to perform one of the toughest jobs of the world, to look after those who are completely dependent on them and yet are not related to them. They deserve honor because these “sisters” are the real healers of the injured souls. If being a nurse had been such a big offense, then imagine the hospital without nurses. It is not possible to run a proper healthcare system without a nurse.

I have learnt that every profession and every person in this world is important. Nothing is useless and no one is worthless. Now I will be able to answer the people who talk rubbish against nurses, and other stereotyped people; probably I will be able to show them the brighter side of the picture!  

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Stereotyping...I

We often come across such people who, due to some particular reasons, often have to face stereotypical attitudes of the people around them. They are not socially accepted and left forlorn. They also have to tolerate the names they are called by; and being on the weaker side, they cannot react or answer back. When living among the so-called “normal people”, they live a miserable life due to the discrimination they face.

During a class of Social Psychology, we were assigned an activity to interview a person facing stereotypical attitudes of the people. Narrated below is the TRUE story of such a woman, a nurse, who has been facing certain stereotypes all her life. For privacy reasons, her name, place of job and other details have been censored...
She works at a hospital in Lahore. This is the written form of her recorded interview:

“My name is ***** *****. I am 40 years old. I live in a small house on rent, in ***** ***** Town. I have been serving as a nurse at the ****** Hospital since 1992.

I have two sisters and two brothers, and I am the elder-most of all. My father was a clerk, who died of heart attack when I was 10. You know a clerk’s pay is not sufficient to bring up six children, and after his death, we fell into the pit of financial crisis. My mother had to wash dishes at other people’s homes. She also stitched clothes in the night to make the both ends meet. As we grew older, our expenditures began to exceed her income. She started working for longer hours at homes, doing cleaning, washing and baby-sitting jobs. I saw her cry at nights and smile all day long so that we may not get stressed. But I was aware of the hardships she was facing. It often occurred that she did not eat anything and gave us her own piece of bread. We even had to spend weeks in starvation. After returning from school, I also helped my mother in stitching.

I succeeded in passing every class with first division. I had aimed to study and work hard so that I may become a helping hand for my mother and my siblings. I also wanted to get educated because I knew that an illiterate person does not gain any respect in the society. The biggest example was my mother, who was called “an-parh, jaahil, ganwaar” (illiterate) by the women of the society where we lived. That was an unforgettable moment for me when I saw the house-owner fight with my mother for the rent. At first he abused her a lot and slapped her, and she, being on the weaker hand, could not say a word. Then he even forced her to sleep with her. Then we finally left the house for good. My mother had to face all this because she was an illiterate widow.

Anyways, we got a room on rent where all seven of us lived together. I pursued my education. After matriculation, I was planning to get admission in F.A. program. But as they say, life is what happens when you are busy making your own plans, fate got more brutal to us. My youngest brother was asthmatic. One chilly, foggy midnight of December, he got asthma attack. We knew nobody would help us at that hour. We had no way of calling the doctor, so my mother wrapped him in her torn shawl, took him in his arms and ran out towards the hospital. She told me to stay with the rest of the kids. God knows what hit her right in front of the hospital, and she broke her legs. At five in the morning, a man came to our door and told us that our mother was in the hospital and my brother had passed away. I burst into tears; I did not cry that much at my father’s death as much as I cried for my mother that day. That was the turning point of my life, I had decided that now I have to shun my studies and earn for my family; my disabled mother.

I started looking for a job. I had no exposure or awareness of such things so, following my mother, I started washing dishes at people’s homes. One day, I read an advertisement regarding employment opportunity for matriculated girls. The job was of a nurse, and the trainees were given a stipend of Rs. 4000.  It seemed as if God had opened a golden door of opportunity for me. I went to ***** Hospital for the interview and got selected. It was a blessing for us all. My mother stitched clothes at home, my siblings went to school and I went on job. It seemed as if all of our problems were solved. But that was not the fact.

After becoming a nurse, I faced some really tough time. Most of our male attendants created problems for me and other nurses. They used to ogle at us and we had to work with them for hours. They were abusive and used to say ‘You are nurses like us, not doctors; do not expect any kind of respect from us or this world!’ All the nurses loathed them and complained against them; but our complaints went unheard. One of them even tried to grab my hand, and when I filed a complaint against him, I was threatened of losing my job. So the two initial lessons I got from there were; firstly, a nurse has no respect in the society and secondly, we have to be hypocritical to get benefits.

We started interacting with the patients and the faculty of the hospital. The head nurse was a really nice woman, who used to give us moral lectures other than instructions for work. I still remember what she said on the first day of our meeting, she said that “People will never realize our significance and services; they will always consider us inferior, filthy and despicable creatures. I am the head nurse, still people contempt me.” But I did not care about the people’s opinions, as far as I was earning for my family. Initially, I was assigned the duty of the children’s ward. I enjoyed working there and my pay was increased when I was assigned night duty in that ward. But after two years, I, along with three other nurses, was shifted to the general ward. I felt sympathy for those in pain, as I had seen my own brother’s restlessness in asthma and the disability of my mother. Most of the people there liked me and I felt secure when they called me “sister”. But I realized that being called a “sister” is way different than being a REAL sister! 

Often, young male patients gave me written notes which had dirty messages in them. But due to my past experience with the trainer, I knew there was no use telling anyone, anything. Often, men used to hold my hand, arm, veil and even my shalwar while taking medicine or getting injected. Even the doctors who used to call us “sister” stared lustfully at us and talked about vulgar things with us in the wards. I told our head nurse about those incidents, but she said that it was a part of our job to overlook such incidents because we are bound to serve people…

Time flew by, and our financial condition grew better each day. My mother did not have to stitch clothes any more and my siblings were in good colleges and universities. We had started interacting with other women of our locality too. My mother told me not to mention my profession to anyone because people may become judgemental and talk nuisance. I used to go for work in a black burqa (gown).
Elderly women often brought proposals for me. They used to ask me what I was doing and I had to make up some story. I was tired of telling lies, my conscience kept on condemning me for that. I wanted to live freely,

without any fear of the people’s opinion or tripe. But before I could declare my occupation, one of the

locality women saw me at the hospital and told the other neighbors of the “cheap” profession I belonged to. After that, people stepped back an began to avoid us. We, especially I, were not invited at any wedding, function, funeral or gathering. My only friend in that locality, Shazia, also left me due to her parents’ pressure on her against me. My younger siblings still met people outside, but I did not.

When I was twenty four, I met Dr. ****** ***, a heart specialist. I was serving in the same ward where he checked his patients. I used to stay there for night duty and he also had similar schedules. He spoke to me very politely, and called me “Miss *****”, which seemed much respectful than so-called “sister”. He adored my intellect, beauty and responsibility. He even said that he had been looking for a sincere and caring girl like me. One day he gave me a ring and proposed me. I spoke to my mother about it, and after her consent, I accepted his proposal. I used to cook things for him and served him in the hospital. He also showed much concern when he met me in the ward. He promised to marry me soon. One morning, I was taking the patients’ record files to his office. Before I knocked at the door, I heard him pleading to someone, begging for apology. The door was open just a crack, and I saw him kneeling on the floor in front of his enraged mother. I was perplexed, but could not understand the situation. And then the bombshells fell. She was saying, “How could you fall for a low class nurse?? What will the society say?? I will marry you to anyone but a nurse. *****( the nurse) is nice, but after all, she does not hold any respectable status in our society. Mrs. Shah has a doctor and a lecturer daughter-in-law…how can a nurse be my…” I stumbled back to the ward. For the first time, being a nurse cut me through the bone. After that day, Dr. Asghar began to elude me. I never dared to ask him “Why?”, because we both knew it pretty well. 
After two months, he got married. My younger sisters were 21 and 20 by then. So I started arranging for their marriages. They both were doing M.B.B.S, so they got married in respectable middle class families. I turned down every proposal because I could not leave my family to live in misery again. Also, I did not have the strength to face people’s narrow-mindedness any more. Within next three years, my brothers - one software engineer and other an M.A. in English- got settled and married too. I felt the responsibilities off my shoulders now. But my sisters-in-law did not approve of my career either. They had “status issues”. One of them even accused me of being a lose character nurse, who keeps looking for a prey! My brothers, who had been brought up by me, also stood by their wives and eventually, I had to leave the house. During those days, a widow flat scheme was introduced. I applied on my mother’s name and we shifted there. I often try to contact my sisters. Though they are not as brutal and insensitive as my brothers, still, their in-laws do not want anyone to know that they have a nurse sister-in-law…

My mother died three years ago and I am satisfied that I served her till her last breath. I am still single and live with my friends, nurses of course, in the hospital quarters. We live together and care for each other like a family, a true family. I sometimes wonder why being a nurse is so bad in this society. What sin have we nurses committed? Am I more sinful than those emotionless siblings who left their elder sister and disabled mother who made so many sacrifices to bring them up? Are we nurses more lose-character than those ogling-eyed decent doctors and patients?? You know the answer, but you won’t say it, because we are the stereotyped ones!”

                                                                                                                                               Continued...

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