Corruption flows from the top: Anti-corruption Day

The topic in the house is “Corruption flows from the top”…

Corruption, a term first used by Aristotle, and later by Cicero, is the deviation from the ideal or the impurity of thought and intention. It is one of the most dreadful, overlooked and yet the most prevalent social evils inherent to a society; and also a root cause of many others. The great Persian ruler, Noshervan once said to his people that,

“The foundation of cruelty was very small in this world, but it grew as such acts increased. I fear that if I pluck an apple free of cost from a peasant’s tree, my army might pull down his entire garden!”

Corruption, thus, begins from a wee bit of an action. A free lunch, a free drink, a free ride, a friendly favor, a polite act to help your dear ones… and BAM! You enter the corruption boom... But it usually begins without intention and invokes a chain reaction; as Ernest Hemingway says,

“All truly wicked things start from innocence.”

This society is, analogically, like a human body. Its head is the powerful elite. M.G. Chitkara, in his book Corruption and Cure, says that Corruption flows from top to bottom. True, it flows from the head to toe! It is because a corrupt man at the highest, or relatively higher post, will certainly open the doors of corruptions to all those under him. He may compel his subordinates to do as he wishes; and in Milgram’s obedience theory, might is right! So those under him will be bound to obey him. And as we are living in a world of blind followers, the “sheeple”, who follow every act they deem to be personally beneficial for them, corruption trickles down from top to bottom with the increase in imitation at lower levels.

Generally, it is seen that the man in power is always on the top; and it is commonly stated that power corrupts man. But then, I came across these words of George Deacon that changed my views, “If ultimate power corrupts you absolutely, where does that leave God??” So it is not the presence of power, but actually the fear of losing it, which makes a man oppressive and corrupt. So being on the “top” is not in itself responsible for corruption. It is actually the mind, the very thought, that corrupts the entire system. Our cognition controls the actions that we perform. It will not be wrong to say that corruption takes birth when the first evil thought rises in our mind.

We don’t need to go very far in search of instances for corruption, rather we can find them around us, within us; right here, right now. We shun classes, corruption, we borrow things and don’t return them, corruption, we waste our time in useless activities, corruption, favoritism, corruption, plagiarism, corruption, cheating, corruption, and so on!

Unfortunately, today we experience too much corruption in every field. Corrupt minds, corrupts acts, corrupt police, corrupt preachers, corrupt educationists, corrupt officers, corrupt media, corrupt leaders, corrupt politicians, thus everyone and everything seems to be filled with corruption to such an extent that nothing seems pure now. Though sarcastically, but Henry Kissinger rightly said that,

“The corrupt politicians make the remaining 10% look bad.”

There is no use mentioning all the data of the World Bank Monetary Corruption Statistics because of two reasons; 1. It will be merely a source of gloom and hopelessness, and 2. I didn’t search for any... that’s corruption on my part!  Even the noblest acts that we see are cemented with a hidden layer of corruption. You HAVE TO do corruption to avoid corruption. It’s like,

Lay k rishwat phans gya tha, day k rishwat chhoot gya


(I got trapped after taking bribe, and got released after giving bribe)

So we’d roll over the causes of corruption; from the demonic thoughts to greed, to inadequate facilities, to unimplemented laws, to unchecked favors and swindles, to unquestioned oppression, to justified bribery, to unnoticed fraud, to nepotism, to misuse of funds, to illegitimate taxes and inflation, to inauthentic accusations to irresponsibly omitted duties to unverified statements and the list goes on.

Corruption has the most adverse effects on the society; turning it into a hell full of human-faced Satans. Dr. Israr Ahmad says that even the Satan seeks refuge from the crown of creations today…

Kuch jhijhakta hai, na darta hai, na sharmaata hai

Nit nayee fitna garee roz hi dikhlaata hai

Ab ye zalim mere behkaway me kab ata hai

Me bura sochta rehta hu, ye kar jata hai

Kya abhi is ki mureedi ka irada kar loon?

Sochta hu k ab insan ko sajda kar lu…!
(He doesn't hesitate, neither fears, nor shies
He shows new chaos every day
Now this tyrant doesn't pay heed to my enticement
I keep on thinking evil, and he does evil

Should I become his apprentice?
I think I should bow before the human being now! )

It afflicts every social institution in one way or another. It was very long ago when corruption started trickling down from the top; today it seems to be having seeped through the roots and is flowing upward too! Iqbal says,

Jamhooriyat ik tarz-e-hakoomat hai kay jis main

Bandon ko gina kartay hain tola nahin kartay

(Democracy is a way of government in which
Men are counted, not weighed)

But the social fraudulence has faded this pro-democratic vision too; today humanity and the humans themselves have been trodden under the “personal benefit” stampede.

If corruption is to be uprooted, then we should begin from the purification of our minds. Mahatma Gandhi said,

“I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”

So first of all, we need the strength of our OWN thought and character to prevent any corrupt act at our end. We should avoid corruption and try not to follow others doing this. It requires the training of the INNER side to cure the outer epidemic of corruption. We started from bad, it turned worse and then became the worst; I don’t think we want to invent an ultra-superlative degree for it… It’s high time that we should repent, lest we shall be damned!

Ayy taaer-e-lahooti us rizq se moat achi

Jis rizq se aati ho, parwaaz me kotaahi(Oh! Heavenly birds!! Prefer death on such a subsistence

Which creates obstacles in your flight (towards Allah))

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Who's to be blamed?

Being fortunate, I wasn't an eye witness to today's horrible incident, but those who had seen it were jolted from head to toe. A teenage intellectual of Institute of Communication Studies, University of the Punjab, got crushed under the tyres of the very bus that she was a few moments ago travelling on...alarmed right?!

Yes this actually happened... In the Model Town area of Lahore, where normally, several students gather to get on the University Bus to reach the Campus. 
On the morning of 20th of November, 2013, the overcrowded bus ran down the road towards the University, when some shrieks were heard and the driver pulled over. Amidst the loudly blowing horns and traffic noise, "You killed her!! You ran her over!!" were the words that struck the driver's ears. Realizing what he had just done, the driver fled away. The girl who was clinging solely to a metal rod near the open door of the bus, somehow lost grip and fell OUT on the road. Tragedy didn't end here, and Alisha Khalid was run over by the tyres of the same bus right away..a life was lost..and this happened in front of her mother's eyes...................................................

........................................................................
When I heard this, during my Statistics class, I was at a loss and tears rolled down as I jotted on my notebook. The students of M.Phil. Sociology had brought this news and requested us to join in for a peaceful protest against the negligence of the driver, the University Administration, the V.C and the Punjab Government. We held a small protest, raising slogans for "Justice" and "More buses". Our co-ordinator tried to hold us back from getting indulged in such an activity, but on listening to our motive, she joined us too.
When we reached the V.C. house, we were given numerous justifications for the poor arrangements, like these: We already have 56 buses for above 32,000 students; we are providing you with the transport as a "Facility" which is not our administrative obligation, we are aware of your issues but believe us, we've suffered through the same when we were your age, in the same university in 1999; we lack funds to buy more buses; you should have sent us an e-mail pertaining to the complaint and we would have certainly done something about it! They even said that it was the conductor's fault that he had not closed the door of the bus..
Media covered the protest rally and also interviewed the eye-witnesses and some of the protesters. In the end, the V.C. of the University promised to arrange some more buses for the routes where a large number of students take university buses. He also said that arrangements are being made to "educate" the drivers so that they may not show such negligence again. A ray of light he showed...
Here comes a but...
I have many questions hovering in my mind.. and they can not be answered...I know.

• Are 56 buses enough for above 32,000 students??
• Why are there NO LAWS for over-crowding a bus; and even if they are.. where is the implementation??
• How can the bus doors be closed when three or four of the students are swinging out of it, with the grip of a handle or a bar??
• When we are paying charges, how can the administration call the bus services as a "facility" and not consider it their obligation??
• If "you" have faced the same issue in 1999, does that mean you have been so negligent of it that you didn't bother to solve it even after 14 years; when "you" have reached the policy making posts??
• Why is there no check as to whether the travellers are Punjab University students or just any passengers looking for a random bus going their way??
• How can you lack funds when the government launches funds every year and the students (even those who do not use the bus service) pay the bus charges??
• We should have sent an e-mail, well, what about all the hand-written applications that we sent "you"? Did they never reach you?? Whose fault is it then??
• Does education change the mind set of the rash and hyper-aggressive bus drivers, who are always in a hurry and never want to stop for more than 15 seconds for the students to get off the bus??
• University bus incidents occur quite frequently, yet no notice is taken. Students fell off from the bus, or missed the bus due to insufficient space for a person to even stand in the bus, but no one seems to be bothered about it! SO LAST AND MOST PINCHING QUESTION: Why do the authorities always have to take an action after a BIG INCIDENT has occurred?? Why do they keep waiting for a death, followed by a protest or mob riots?? Why???

I'd request the authorities once again not to take this issue lightly, and take some emergency alternative measures; it is the matter of every student's life now, which I hope still bears some value in this country...

We're sorry Alisha Khalid...we don't know who should we blame..May your soul rest in peace..ameen.

Alisha Khalid, died on 20th November, 2013, by falling off the university bus and being run over by it (Photo courtesy: Samaa TV)

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Stereotyping II and Self Assessment

I do not remember attaching stereotypes with people. But I must admit one thing, that deep inside me, I did have some negative feeling about the many people due to their occupation, status or lifestyles. I know people are bound to opt for certain professions in life which might be against social norms as they have no other choice, still, I did carry a slightly negative impression of the stereotyped people.

When I was assigned this project, I was wondering if I actually had stereotypical attitude for certain people. At that time, my mind did not answer actively, because I do not generally attach people with stereotypes; but later, I got a long list of people for whom we have negative points of view. Of them, I chose nurses.

I personally like them, because they serve us. But I did not have any kind of strong judgement about them. Shameful but true, I did have doubts about their character too; not because it was my view, but because I had heard a lot about them from the people around me. I heard about them being cheap, not worth keeping in company, not deserving respect, and that they are low standard “beings” etc. Whenever I heard such statements and points of view about them, I felt slightly bad and often stayed silent. This means I was a part of the lot that thought stereotypically.   

I am thankful to my professor who made me do this assignment. When I met the nurse Miss ***** for the first time, I had certain fears in my mind as to how she would treat me, how she will answer my questions honestly and so on… But after meeting her for almost one week, I came to know of the pain which she and many other stereotyped people were going through while living in our society. Now my views have changed. Now I know why they deserve respect. It is because first of all, they serve us whole-heartedly. They tolerate all the harsh words of their authorities and body-penetrating gawk of the impious men. The nurses truly exemplify humanity. They treat the rich and the poor, the old and the young, the male and the female with equal care and responsibility. How many of us actually let everyone in our life gain the same place in our hearts and minds??? Perhaps none of us, but they do! They have to perform one of the toughest jobs of the world, to look after those who are completely dependent on them and yet are not related to them. They deserve honor because these “sisters” are the real healers of the injured souls. If being a nurse had been such a big offense, then imagine the hospital without nurses. It is not possible to run a proper healthcare system without a nurse.

I have learnt that every profession and every person in this world is important. Nothing is useless and no one is worthless. Now I will be able to answer the people who talk rubbish against nurses, and other stereotyped people; probably I will be able to show them the brighter side of the picture!  

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Stereotyping...I

We often come across such people who, due to some particular reasons, often have to face stereotypical attitudes of the people around them. They are not socially accepted and left forlorn. They also have to tolerate the names they are called by; and being on the weaker side, they cannot react or answer back. When living among the so-called “normal people”, they live a miserable life due to the discrimination they face.

During a class of Social Psychology, we were assigned an activity to interview a person facing stereotypical attitudes of the people. Narrated below is the TRUE story of such a woman, a nurse, who has been facing certain stereotypes all her life. For privacy reasons, her name, place of job and other details have been censored...
She works at a hospital in Lahore. This is the written form of her recorded interview:

“My name is ***** *****. I am 40 years old. I live in a small house on rent, in ***** ***** Town. I have been serving as a nurse at the ****** Hospital since 1992.

I have two sisters and two brothers, and I am the elder-most of all. My father was a clerk, who died of heart attack when I was 10. You know a clerk’s pay is not sufficient to bring up six children, and after his death, we fell into the pit of financial crisis. My mother had to wash dishes at other people’s homes. She also stitched clothes in the night to make the both ends meet. As we grew older, our expenditures began to exceed her income. She started working for longer hours at homes, doing cleaning, washing and baby-sitting jobs. I saw her cry at nights and smile all day long so that we may not get stressed. But I was aware of the hardships she was facing. It often occurred that she did not eat anything and gave us her own piece of bread. We even had to spend weeks in starvation. After returning from school, I also helped my mother in stitching.

I succeeded in passing every class with first division. I had aimed to study and work hard so that I may become a helping hand for my mother and my siblings. I also wanted to get educated because I knew that an illiterate person does not gain any respect in the society. The biggest example was my mother, who was called “an-parh, jaahil, ganwaar” (illiterate) by the women of the society where we lived. That was an unforgettable moment for me when I saw the house-owner fight with my mother for the rent. At first he abused her a lot and slapped her, and she, being on the weaker hand, could not say a word. Then he even forced her to sleep with her. Then we finally left the house for good. My mother had to face all this because she was an illiterate widow.

Anyways, we got a room on rent where all seven of us lived together. I pursued my education. After matriculation, I was planning to get admission in F.A. program. But as they say, life is what happens when you are busy making your own plans, fate got more brutal to us. My youngest brother was asthmatic. One chilly, foggy midnight of December, he got asthma attack. We knew nobody would help us at that hour. We had no way of calling the doctor, so my mother wrapped him in her torn shawl, took him in his arms and ran out towards the hospital. She told me to stay with the rest of the kids. God knows what hit her right in front of the hospital, and she broke her legs. At five in the morning, a man came to our door and told us that our mother was in the hospital and my brother had passed away. I burst into tears; I did not cry that much at my father’s death as much as I cried for my mother that day. That was the turning point of my life, I had decided that now I have to shun my studies and earn for my family; my disabled mother.

I started looking for a job. I had no exposure or awareness of such things so, following my mother, I started washing dishes at people’s homes. One day, I read an advertisement regarding employment opportunity for matriculated girls. The job was of a nurse, and the trainees were given a stipend of Rs. 4000.  It seemed as if God had opened a golden door of opportunity for me. I went to ***** Hospital for the interview and got selected. It was a blessing for us all. My mother stitched clothes at home, my siblings went to school and I went on job. It seemed as if all of our problems were solved. But that was not the fact.

After becoming a nurse, I faced some really tough time. Most of our male attendants created problems for me and other nurses. They used to ogle at us and we had to work with them for hours. They were abusive and used to say ‘You are nurses like us, not doctors; do not expect any kind of respect from us or this world!’ All the nurses loathed them and complained against them; but our complaints went unheard. One of them even tried to grab my hand, and when I filed a complaint against him, I was threatened of losing my job. So the two initial lessons I got from there were; firstly, a nurse has no respect in the society and secondly, we have to be hypocritical to get benefits.

We started interacting with the patients and the faculty of the hospital. The head nurse was a really nice woman, who used to give us moral lectures other than instructions for work. I still remember what she said on the first day of our meeting, she said that “People will never realize our significance and services; they will always consider us inferior, filthy and despicable creatures. I am the head nurse, still people contempt me.” But I did not care about the people’s opinions, as far as I was earning for my family. Initially, I was assigned the duty of the children’s ward. I enjoyed working there and my pay was increased when I was assigned night duty in that ward. But after two years, I, along with three other nurses, was shifted to the general ward. I felt sympathy for those in pain, as I had seen my own brother’s restlessness in asthma and the disability of my mother. Most of the people there liked me and I felt secure when they called me “sister”. But I realized that being called a “sister” is way different than being a REAL sister! 

Often, young male patients gave me written notes which had dirty messages in them. But due to my past experience with the trainer, I knew there was no use telling anyone, anything. Often, men used to hold my hand, arm, veil and even my shalwar while taking medicine or getting injected. Even the doctors who used to call us “sister” stared lustfully at us and talked about vulgar things with us in the wards. I told our head nurse about those incidents, but she said that it was a part of our job to overlook such incidents because we are bound to serve people…

Time flew by, and our financial condition grew better each day. My mother did not have to stitch clothes any more and my siblings were in good colleges and universities. We had started interacting with other women of our locality too. My mother told me not to mention my profession to anyone because people may become judgemental and talk nuisance. I used to go for work in a black burqa (gown).
Elderly women often brought proposals for me. They used to ask me what I was doing and I had to make up some story. I was tired of telling lies, my conscience kept on condemning me for that. I wanted to live freely,

without any fear of the people’s opinion or tripe. But before I could declare my occupation, one of the

locality women saw me at the hospital and told the other neighbors of the “cheap” profession I belonged to. After that, people stepped back an began to avoid us. We, especially I, were not invited at any wedding, function, funeral or gathering. My only friend in that locality, Shazia, also left me due to her parents’ pressure on her against me. My younger siblings still met people outside, but I did not.

When I was twenty four, I met Dr. ****** ***, a heart specialist. I was serving in the same ward where he checked his patients. I used to stay there for night duty and he also had similar schedules. He spoke to me very politely, and called me “Miss *****”, which seemed much respectful than so-called “sister”. He adored my intellect, beauty and responsibility. He even said that he had been looking for a sincere and caring girl like me. One day he gave me a ring and proposed me. I spoke to my mother about it, and after her consent, I accepted his proposal. I used to cook things for him and served him in the hospital. He also showed much concern when he met me in the ward. He promised to marry me soon. One morning, I was taking the patients’ record files to his office. Before I knocked at the door, I heard him pleading to someone, begging for apology. The door was open just a crack, and I saw him kneeling on the floor in front of his enraged mother. I was perplexed, but could not understand the situation. And then the bombshells fell. She was saying, “How could you fall for a low class nurse?? What will the society say?? I will marry you to anyone but a nurse. *****( the nurse) is nice, but after all, she does not hold any respectable status in our society. Mrs. Shah has a doctor and a lecturer daughter-in-law…how can a nurse be my…” I stumbled back to the ward. For the first time, being a nurse cut me through the bone. After that day, Dr. Asghar began to elude me. I never dared to ask him “Why?”, because we both knew it pretty well. 
After two months, he got married. My younger sisters were 21 and 20 by then. So I started arranging for their marriages. They both were doing M.B.B.S, so they got married in respectable middle class families. I turned down every proposal because I could not leave my family to live in misery again. Also, I did not have the strength to face people’s narrow-mindedness any more. Within next three years, my brothers - one software engineer and other an M.A. in English- got settled and married too. I felt the responsibilities off my shoulders now. But my sisters-in-law did not approve of my career either. They had “status issues”. One of them even accused me of being a lose character nurse, who keeps looking for a prey! My brothers, who had been brought up by me, also stood by their wives and eventually, I had to leave the house. During those days, a widow flat scheme was introduced. I applied on my mother’s name and we shifted there. I often try to contact my sisters. Though they are not as brutal and insensitive as my brothers, still, their in-laws do not want anyone to know that they have a nurse sister-in-law…

My mother died three years ago and I am satisfied that I served her till her last breath. I am still single and live with my friends, nurses of course, in the hospital quarters. We live together and care for each other like a family, a true family. I sometimes wonder why being a nurse is so bad in this society. What sin have we nurses committed? Am I more sinful than those emotionless siblings who left their elder sister and disabled mother who made so many sacrifices to bring them up? Are we nurses more lose-character than those ogling-eyed decent doctors and patients?? You know the answer, but you won’t say it, because we are the stereotyped ones!”

                                                                                                                                               Continued...

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The punishment they deserve!

I can't tell you how painful it is to hear a news of such kind...you know I haven't read the news or watched it on TV either... because I don't want to go through the melancholic and dolorous memories of the news of Mukhtaran or Zainab or 4 months old Hiba or the para-medical student bus or the female photojournalist at work.. 

it gives me goosebumps...when I empathize such a woman...I am talking about some REAL EMPATHY... my jaws close tighter, teeth start to clatter, my fists clench to the extent that the knuckles grow white..and i go mad with fury...I feel scared of the fact that I'm a girl and I have to go out of my home with this fear of being raped.. HONESTLY.. I fear being raped..!! ..and today even men are not safe from it (I hope you have read the most recent case of HAMZA AWAN...)!!

Rape is AGAINST humanity... and the culprits should NOT be treated HUMANELY... they are the only people whom I DESPISE to death! 

The problem is not the media, NOT EVEN THE FRUSTRATIONS or REPRESSIONS in the society.. because rapes have not been recently invented.. they've been a PART of the crime list since prehistoric times...Many cases are not reported because they won't get justice, only humiliation... or the woman may get raped by the policemen as well..

If Islam punishes a thief by cutting his hands, and if the system should be "eye for an eye" then why not prestige for prestige??? 

Its only solution is to CASTRATE such men in the centre of the city's biggest square and then media should cover THAT.. YES.. It will be a WORTH-COVERING report..!!.. and it should be then shown all over the world...In fact.. PACU FISH should be set free on such men and everyone should see the consequences of snatching a woman's prestige...such freaks do not have the right to remain MEN if they do not have a control over their MASCULINITY...such men should be turned into EUNUCHS for good..because REAL MEN DON't RAPE!!!!And not only that, they should be dragged through the cities with no clothes on their bodies, their nails should be pulled off and their eye brows and hair should be shaved completely!

I don't see any RATIONALITY in TRYING TO UNDERSTAND THE PSYCHE OF THE RAPISTS...because their problem is the savage animal taking over them whenever it feels so...and a rapist's animal may sleep in the jail but wake up once he gets bailed... so the SOURCE of his SAVAGERY should be eliminated forever..!

ALL PSYCHO-SOCIOLOGICAL THEORIES MEAN ZILCH to ME when a girl has been raped by a gang..or even a single man... There will be no coming back if a woman has lost the peace of her mind and soul ... I don't see a reason as to WHY I SHOULD GET TO KNOW "WHY HE RAPED HER"... NO! 

I know many of the readers of this post will condemn such an action.. but ask those girls who have been raped..and are unfortunately ALIVE and when it comes to avenging such maniacs, I become an EXTREMIST too...!!!!! Only a raped girl knows how huge a volcano boils inside her and how deeply and eagerly she wants to see her culprits suffer the way she did!! Just think of yourself, ladies! Or your sister, your friend, your wife, your mother, your daughter.. and THEN tell me if I am wrong...

The movement that the people are starting against rapes or the protests they are holding should not only be meant to ask for JUSTICE.. but to ask for a painful, EQUALLY EMBARRASSING and LESSON-BEARING PENALTY for all others who even INTEND to do so.. so that men may know that it is not only a raped girl who'll lose her esteem... they'll lose it too..!! They DESERVE this! 

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Beauty consciousness among men v/s women

Who hasn't heard this part of the poem:

"....makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.."
But Plato said something different,
"Every man wishes to be healthy, rich and beautiful!"
Beauty is the satisfaction of soul. It is anything that gives pleasure and is soothing for the eye. We may classify beauty as outer and inner one, while being "beautiful" means to have a balanced combination of both.

The concept of beautification is quite prehistoric, where we find ornaments, chemicals and multitude of dresses in the excavated ruins of thousands of years old buried cities. Islam preaches its followers to be clean and tidy, be well-dressed, to wear fragrances and to comb the hair and beard (if present) properly. It became more popular with the advent of French Revolution and renaissance, where people began to worry more of how to portray and maintain "elegance" and "belle". It can be seen from the pictures and art work, architecture and inventions, that how symmetry, regularity and beauty was sought in every aspect and field.

Today (13th of September, 2013) I participated in a popular talk show at Dunya TV where I was one of the speakers at the discussion panel. The theme was " Of the two genders, which is more beauty conscious?".

Firstly, we all are aware of the fact that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Something may look beautiful to one person, but may not appeal others; or vice versa.  Recently I came across a sociological study results about difference in perception of beauty, conducted in Washington DC. The main actor was Joshua Bell, one of the most famous violinists of the world. People spend thousand of dollars to buy a ticket to watch his show. And when he was playing the violin at a metro station of DC, in pretty shaggy clothes, nobody bothered. No one even recognized him. This shows how people perceive "beautiful" and "attractive" in routine life. Similarly, each person has a different perception of perfection, and thus, each follows their own way to attain it.
When it comes to being adorable, I think, every person is born beautiful as God has created everyone out of His very best skills. So natural beauty is always there. But then, there comes a time, when that naturalism has to be polished, groomed and made presentable. That is the beginning of the phase of self-embellishment. This earns a great deal to the cosmetics, dresses, shoes, healthcare products, medicine, drugs and so on. An approximated expenditure on the beauty industry by 2014 is to be $24 billion!

We all are aware of the NEED of beautification in today's world. Psychiatrist Eva Ritvo states that , "Skin conditions have a profound influence on opportunity and social behavior." This clearly shows how significant it is to appear attractive!

But now starts the debate...

Should men try to BEAUTIFY themselves like the girls???

The question is quite tricky, and the answer may vary from person to person. So let's put the question the other way, should men try to imitate women in the process of adorning themselves?

When I was asked this question, I thought for a moment, and this point flashed in my mind: Beauty gives internal satisfaction and pleasure, and every person has the right to be happy. So they have a right to embellish themselves. But the problem our society is facing today is, "feminization of culture". The men are trying SO HARD to look "beautiful" rather "handsome", that they've even begun to give a tougher competition to the softer sex. They, in the phase of looking like an "ideally beautiful guy", have left behind many aspects of masculinity.

Now another feature we will focus upon is masculinity, maleness or the characteristics that distinguish a person from females. This term is a cultural construct. It is defined by the various cultural norms, values and mores. Moreover, the social institutions have an influence on the genders and their roles/ features.There was a time when men were appreciated for being "rough n' tough". It was good to be tall, dark and well-built. But today we see more of the pretty, cheeky faces of the girlish boys who're afraid of playing outside because they'd lose their fair complexion; and yet those who go for all sorts of fairness creams to look "fair n' lovely". Now men are also thronging into parlors, getting all the services that women get for their appearance grooming.

The factors of having such strong aesthetic sense and urge to look good include status consciousness, competition among same gender colleagues and development of relationships. The problem of class difference, social stratification and the urge to be equal or look similar to those of the more privileged class has indulged men in spending extravagantly on their "garnishing". The same is the case with women. But women have always been influenced by their mothers, imitating them and following their path towards femininity: from a caterpillar to a butterfly. So it is not that weird. Now a days the guys try their best to become gorgeous so that the girls hover over them like bees on honey. True, right? :p

Now whom are they following? Well, the media has always been the most effective institution of all, which not only targets the general public for commercialization, but also has an effect on their entire lifestyles! The fairy tales, with extremely charming prince getting the most beautiful princess, the movies with "munda kukarr kamal da" and the celebrities becoming more "pyara" day by day... In the world of glamor, rough has been replaced by sober and polished, that is, earlier, the boys' most favorite get up used to be Radhay Mohan type, but now everyone wants to look like Henry Cavil. Both girls and guys instruct the hair dressers at the salons as to which celebrity's hair-style or hair cut do they want.

And the most affected group is the middle class. They, being educated yet lacking the opportunities, are more concerned with impression building and management, being able to grasp the best chances and to be confident enough to face the people superior to them. They have to cover or overcome their complexes, mostly of inferiority, and find peace in looking adorable and being "stared at" or "poondied" by the opposite gender. We Asians have a problem of Eurocentrism. We want to look fair like the westerners. And they, on the other hand, tan their bodies to look relatively darker.

Beautification has turned out to be a transitional stage from traditional masculinity to contemporary gender stratification. Today metrosexuality is gaining greater fame among men. Many of them, not making a sensible choice in their fashion sense, are often questioned of their sexual orientation too. In Japan, a term "Bishonen" is quite often used for the feminine beauty of men, and is widely approved of. I think that men can still look adorable and stylish if they know how to carry themselves, without following women's path of beautification (obviously it is entirely their choice if they STILL want to do so.) This is also a notable fact that today, in many weddings, the grooms reach later than their brides (especially in South Asia), because they were getting ready at the parlor!

When boys are advised to be more manly and to avoid a little too much of this girlish stuff, they answer like this, "Larkiyan bhi to itna kuch karti hain, hum ne kar lia to kya ho gaya"! (Men say women tend to be more beauty conscious and spend lavishly in the effort of becoming a beaut. So what's wrong if we do so?) And when asked, most of the boys in the audience (at the show) said they'd prefer a "simple" lady. But then my question is, why don't such men go for a uni-browed, with hair tightly bunned and dressed in a light-colored plain, loose-fit lawn suit, when it comes to getting married?? Why are such girls then rejected on the basis of appearance and all their talents and abilities are ignored? If they are such strong supporters of simplicity, then why they start drooling when they see a well-dressed, pretty and stylish girl? Why do they throw their "number-chits" at such girls and why do they try to impress them? Well, the guys know the answer very well, even if they don't admit the reality. 

The thing is, the beauty industry is in the hands of males, and for centuries, the main targets have been females. But for quite some time, the trends have trickled from women towards men, with newer brands of men's cosmetics, outfits, shoes, accessories,drugs and everything enhancing their beauty, you name it!

Concluding this piece, I'd say, beauty consciousness is not to be ashamed of. It should be focussed on, and everyone should try to maintain a presentable persona according to what suits them; this is their birthright. It's a never-ending debate that who is MORE BEAUTY CONSCIOUS today... because everyone has got an exclusive aesthetic sense, and they want to follow it. Still, just keep this in mind,

For guys: "Girls want men, not more girl-friends!"

For girls: "Diana bano, lekin daain nahi!" 

A Marxist Warrior..?

This is a page of my diary...of 19th of March, 2013...
Today I experienced a wave of discomfort spread all over my Sociology class. We were given an activity question to write about our social CLASS, the consistency of the dimensions/factors for stratification and that why do people feel awkward in discussing their statuses???

Many of us were actually uncomfortable answering that question.

There were a lot many reasons for it. I traced out the following:

1. Most of us did not know which class do we ACTUALLY belong to. Living in a country where the biggest prevailing crisis is none other than economic crisis. And the status quo can be BY NO MEANS maintained unless you belong to some bureaucracy...thus each one of us was equally unsure about their CLASS. (I wrote "fluctuating middle class" for myself!)

2. We live in a status conscious society. Everyone is engaged in making a healthy and wealthy impression of himself in front of others. Our materialistic society judges people from their material possessions rather than their personal characteristics. So the blessed ones may not be as fearful of social rejection as the comparatively deprived ones; no matter how much better they are...

3. The question required pretty much a personal life disclosure which certainly most of us wouldn't afford to share. We are of the view that can not, infact, should not let others know about our personal life.

4. Very few people have the strength to put forth their family attributes including the dimensions of stratification like income, wealth, schooling, occupational prestige and power. Secondly, majority does not want to share how many of these dimensions remained consistent throughout their lives and the past few generations. As this could create complexities in their social relations. 

The crux is, whatever the issue we students were facing, it was related with the immense CLASS DIFFERENCE!

In the end, I just want to say that some times I wish to end this class system for good. I wish to be a Marxist warrior and end this social and mental repression. But I am also aware of the fact that then the society would not be an ideal one either...because then I'd be wishing for a society with no competition...?Well, there would be no charm without competition. So let the society as it is, all we can do is try to help others as much as we can and avoid discrimination and prejudice pertaining to the social class...!

End of call packages and SMS bundles...Yin or Yang?

A few days back, I was conversing with two of my colleagues of University of the Punjab whom I attended the Erfurtian Summer School with. It was a group chat on Facebook and while talking about random things, we came up with the topic of whether the decision of PTA for ending all call and SMS packages is a worthy decision or not...It has not yet been finalized, but here is what I've got to say about it.

First of all, let's admit the fact that moral values are inculcated by the traits of morality descending through the ancestral chain, and not by force. Coercively, you may develop discipline among the public with, but not morality, no.

PTA banned YouTube, but still there are a large number of internet users of Pakistan who are utilizing Proxy services for opening it, for multiple reasons. They put a ban on Facebook, and it was removed. The PEMRA banned Indian channels, and then the Indian dramas and programs began to be broadcast through Pakistani channels, and there was way more nudity on many private and English channels being showed in Pakistan. So where do you see the benefit of putting a BAN on such stuff?? 

I know there is a great need to put the youth back on track... they are wasting a lot of time on cell-phones, texting and making long phone calls, with no positive outcomes. Their abilities are rusting out and they have very little interest in the "real" world outside the cell-phones. We all are aware of the use of cell phones/ texting during the class, during job, while having meals and so on. There should have, undoubtedly, been a check on them because it is affecting their academic and professional performance badly. Also, there needs to be an end to the wrong-calls, prank calls and digital harassment. The youth is also the main target in the mobile networks market. So this is a positive step of preventing them from falling into the pit of foolishness and immorality. But there is another side to it, too.

During the discussion, one of my colleagues, Anam said that,

"Have you seen any traffic wardens or ticket checkers in Germany they socialize their nation from very beginning, and time to time these values become part of their life. They are mannered, well civilized societies even without religious guidelines(I am not sure about this thing, though) where we stand.With out internalization such bans are more dangerous youth will find more drastic"
True that! And it is because they have got it from their ancestors... and such characteristics are deep rooted; to work hard and with honesty (we work hardly and even if we do, hardly with honesty! :P ), to cash time rather than wasting it; But another aspect is, that they have not been tortured by their government like us. We all are in the same quicksand of making money. We have been exasperated by load shedding, inflation, security issues, unemployment, increasing crime rate and so on. And when there are so many issues hovering around you and there is no direction or motivation provided to you, why would you think of doing anything productive and be honestly contributive?? Obviously in such an infernal situation, people would go for the type of entertainment they deem the easiest in access and gives them , at least, financial relief... or the one that satisfies some of their urges after "pait-puja".

SMS packages and late night calls are actually doors to a world of fantasy that mostly the youth choose as an outlet for their frustration, a mode of catharsis, where they can reach as many people as possible without having to SPEND much .. and getting A LOT in return, if you know what I mean!

And, sorry to say, but I feel that the people have come to the verge of being coercively controlled, we are far from hegemony because we've become badly addicted to the mirage technology which soon we'll end up having zilch access to... a horrible thing to imagine!

I am not against the BAN, but yes I do believe that putting a ban on these packages will not solve our issues. It will bring more complexities, most importantly, frustration among the already oppressed youth. They will find other alternatives like cell-phones with wi-fi technology, or spend more time on Facebook. This will also create a class-difference when the students with affordability will continue using the cell phones and those without it will either waste money on the cell-phone or feel as the "deprived ones"!

I think the youth needs motivation and direction towards other optimistic and positive aspects... rather than suppressing them or depriving them of the technology. Our youth has the strength and courage to bear everything and achieve the set goals, so there should be steps to set them targets, not MAKE THEM TARGETS of tyranny...!